explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
