why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
