i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
