This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
