my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
