wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
