OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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