it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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