Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Randomize
