it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
