The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
