he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's the barista slut.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
