How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
