whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We don't watch enough power rangers
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
