i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
