How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
