it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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