I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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