some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
