this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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