Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
