38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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