i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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