He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
