Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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