You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
