I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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