We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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