My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
