all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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