i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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