she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize