Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
