I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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