Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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