This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
