Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Someone signed my nipple.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
