Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
