just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
