There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
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just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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