I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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