I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize