Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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