She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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