; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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