so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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