That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
