There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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