You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
