So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
