Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
