I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize