Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
