P.S. I can't hear my feet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
