So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
