I hate your face
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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