Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
