Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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