you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
