Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
