i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
