I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize