How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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