if only i could text you this smell
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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