my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
