How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
