i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
BRING THE BAGELS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
