its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
