Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
