then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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