There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
