Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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