Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you never un-have a 4some
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
