Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
